Wednesday 03/09/2025
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Text: Sarah Valls
Is it possible to love more than one person at the same time? What happens when a couple decides to open their relationship? For decades, society has assumed that relationships must be monogamous and closed. Yet more and more people are exploring alternatives such as polyamory or open relationships.
In this article, we explain what these models mean, what social judgments they often face, and what we can learn from Dr. Orna Guralnik and her documentary series Couples Therapy.
What are open relationships, polyamory, and other types of ethical non-monogamy?
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) refers to any relationship in which, with consent and clear communication, exclusivity in emotional and/or sexual bonds is not required. Unlike infidelity, ENM is characterized by honesty, respect, and mutual agreement (Conley et al., 2017; Scoats & Campbell, 2022).
Common models of ethical non-monogamy
According to Scoats and Campbell (2022), the main ENM models include:
- Open relationships: a primary bond is maintained, but partners allow the possibility of sexual encounters with others, usually with explicit rules.
- Polyamory: a model in which a person may maintain multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of all involved. Polyamory can be hierarchical (with a primary relationship) or non-hierarchical.
- Swinging: sexual practices shared between couples, usually in recreational contexts, with the main focus on sexual rather than emotional connection.
- Relationship anarchy: a relational philosophy that rejects predefined hierarchies, giving each bond (romantic, sexual, friendship) the value decided by those involved.
What distinguishes these models from infidelity is ethics and communication. Everything is based on agreements, not secrecy. Research shows that although monogamy remains the norm, polyamory is perceived more positively than other, less-structured forms of non-monogamy (Mogilski et al., 2020).
Social judgments and the difficulty of mentalizing the other
One of the greatest challenges for people in non-conventional relationships is social stigma. Studies show that, compared to monogamous couples, people in consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships are often judged as less trustworthy, less committed, and even morally inferior (Conley et al., 2013; Rodrigues et al., 2024). These stereotypes reinforce “mononormativity,” the cultural belief that monogamy is the only valid or healthy way to love.
This stigma doesn’t just come from the outside: research shows it can create stress and lower psychological well-being, fueling feelings of shame or exclusion among CNM practitioners (Füllgrabe, 2023; Mahar et al., 2022).
This is where mentalization comes into play: the capacity to understand ourselves and others based on what we feel, think, and desire (Bateman & Fonagy, 2016). It means recognizing that behind every action there are emotions, beliefs, and needs that give it meaning. In other words, it is the ability to put oneself in another person’s shoes while also reflecting on what is happening within oneself, in order to understand why we act the way we do.
When mentalization is reduced, there is a risk of falling into automatic prejudices such as: “If you’re not monogamous, you don’t love me” or “If I accept this, I will lose everything.” These ideas shut down the possibility of dialogue.
By practicing mentalization and questioning our cultural assumptions we open the door to empathy, curiosity, and the building of more authentic connections, whether monogamous or not.
Emotional needs in non-monogamous relationships
Non-conventional couples often require stronger emotional skills in areas such as:
- Honest and ongoing communication: clear agreements prevent conflicts.
- Self-awareness and emotional regulation: recognizing and managing jealousy and insecurities.
- Deep empathy: accepting that a partner may have experiences outside the relationship without that implying a lack of love.
These skills are useful in any relationship, but in ENM they become essential (Alhuzail, 2024).
Polyamory or polygamy? Not the same
Although sometimes confused, polygamy refers to specific legal and cultural structures (such as polygyny in certain countries). Research shows it can be linked to rivalry and insecurity, particularly among women with anxious attachment styles (Alhuzail, 2024).
Ethical polyamory, on the other hand, is based on inclusive and consensual agreements, with mutual respect at its core.
What Orna Guralnik teaches us in Couples Therapy
Dr. Orna Guralnik, psychoanalyst and couples therapist, is known for the series Couples Therapy (Showtime, 2019–), where she works with real couples in therapy sessions, showing the complexity of modern relationships.
In the third season, queer couples exploring polyamory and former members of religious communities who decided to open their relationships after years of rigid norms are featured (Vanity Fair, 2023). Her perspective focuses on accompanying without judgment, helping each couple discover what they truly need.
As she herself points out, the challenge is to love the other for who they are, not for who we want them to be (Guralnik, 2023).
Why watch Couples Therapy?
We recommend this series because it portrays, with sensitivity and realism, the intimate life of couples. It is not fiction: these are real people who, guided by Orna Guralnik, strive to understand each other and sustain their bond.
It can be a valuable resource to open conversations in your own life, identify relational dynamics, and reflect on how you wish to love.
Conclusion
Non-conventional relationship models remind us that love is neither unique nor universal. It is not about replacing monogamy, but about recognizing that there are diverse ways to build meaningful connections. The key lies in communication, empathy, and respect.
At Proyecto ART, we support couples in all relational models, from monogamy to polyamory and open relationships. Our role is not to judge, but to help you explore your unique way of relating, understand your emotions, improve communication, manage jealousy or insecurity, and build agreements that reflect your values.
And you, have you ever asked yourself which relationship model best suits you?
References:
- Alhuzail, N. A. (2024). Adult attachment styles in polygamous marriage and emotional distress among Saudi women. Journal of Affective Disorders, 366, 343–351. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11507898/
- Conley, T. D., Moors, A. C., Matsick, J. L., & Ziegler, A. (2013). The fewer the merrier? Assessing stigma surrounding consensually non-monogamous romantic relationships. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy, 13(1), 1–24. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1530-2415.2012.01286.x
- Bateman, A., & Fonagy, P. (2016). Mentalization-based treatment for personality disorders: A practical guide. Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/med:psych/9780199680375.001.0001
- Füllgrabe, D. (2023). Stigma and resilience in consensual non-monogamous relationships. Sexuality & Culture, 27(4), 1821–1841. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-023-10099-7
- Guralnik, O. (2023). Interview about non-monogamy and couples therapy. Men’s Health.https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a44052213/orna-guralnik-couples-therapy-interview/
- Mahar, E. A., Irving, L. H., Derovanesian, A., Masterson, A., & Webster, G. D. (2022). Stigma Toward Consensual Non-Monogamy: Thematic Analysis and Minority Stress. Personality And Social Psychology Bulletin, 50(4), 571-586. https://doi.org/10.1177/01461672221139086
- Mogilski, J. K., et al. (2020). The perceived morality of consensual non-monogamy: A comparison across relational contexts. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 2307. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6985779/
- Rodrigues, D. L., Brooks, T. R., Balzarini, R. N., Moors, A. C., & Lopes, D. (2024). Examining the Role of Mononormative Beliefs, Stigma, and Internalized Consensual Non-Monogamy Negativity for Dehumanization. Archives Of Sexual Behavior, 53(3), 889-899. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-023-02785-2
- Scoats, R., & Campbell, C. (2022). What do we know about consensual non-monogamy? Current Opinion in Psychology, 43, 230–234. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101468
- Showtime. (2019–actualidad). Couples Therapy [Serie documental]. Showtime.
- Vanity Fair. (2023, abril 18). In Its Next Act, “Couples Therapy” Expands the Field of Battle. Vanity Fair.https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2023/04/couples-therapy-season-3-new-episodes-first-look-awards-insider