Wednesday 25/03/2026
Photo: Katarina Wolnik Vera
Text: Nayeli Martínez
In recent years, research has examined how the way a person talks to themselves directly influences their mental health. High levels of self-criticism have been associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, and emotional distress. Therefore, it is not only what happens that matters, but also how a person responds to what happens to them.
In contrast, self-compassion, the ability to treat oneself with understanding in moments of distress is associated with greater psychological well-being, better emotional regulation, and increased resilience in the face of difficulties.
In the context of March 8th (8M), this topic is especially relevant. Several studies indicate that women tend to be more self-critical and more prone to ruminate on mistakes. This tendency is not random; it is linked to social and cultural factors, such as the pressure to simultaneously meet multiple demands and standards of perfection.
When Being Demanding Stops Helping
Being demanding is not inherently negative; it can help us improve and achieve our goals. The problem arises when this demand becomes a constant, harsh, and inflexible inner voice.
A distinction is made between adaptive self-evaluation and maladaptive self-criticism, which tends to be global, rigid, and highly punitive. This type of self-criticism has been linked to increased anxiety and depressive symptoms, greater rumination, and lower self-esteem.
Moreover, being overly harsh with ourselves can hinder emotional regulation and intensify our stress response.
Self-Compassion: Treating Yourself Better Is Also Mental Health
In contrast to self-criticism, self-compassion has become a key concept in psychology in recent years.
It does not mean justifying everything, but rather learning to treat oneself with greater balance. It involves acknowledging that something hurts without adding further harm through the way we speak to ourselves. It is based on three fundamental components (Neff, 2003):
- Being kinder to oneself
- Understanding that making mistakes is part of the human experience
- Being able to observe distress without becoming overwhelmed by it
Studies show that self-compassion is associated with lower levels of anxiety, depression, and stress, better emotional regulation, and greater overall well-being. Additionally, interventions based on self-compassion have been shown to be effective in reducing self-criticism. Therefore, rather than a weakness, it is a healthier way of coping with mistakes.
The Weight of Social Pressure
For women, self-criticism cannot be understood without considering the context. Being exposed to multiple standards at once (work-related, family-related, aesthetic, etc.) can foster constant and often unrealistic self-evaluation (Johnson & Whisman, 2013). While this is not exclusive to women, there are social factors that intensify this tendency.
Some Ideas to Start Changing This
It is not about stopping effort, but about changing how we approach it. Some strategies commonly addressed in therapy include:
- Noticing how you speak to yourself: The first step is awareness (Ehret et al., 2015).
- Questioning your demands: Are your expectations truly realistic? (Marsh et al., 2018).
- Adopting a compassionate attitude: Trying to introduce a kinder tone toward yourself (Neff, 2003).
- Reducing rumination: Mindfulness is a useful tool for this (Inwood & Ferrari, 2018).
- Making space for self-care: Not only physical, but also emotional.
Moving from self-criticism to a more compassionate attitude does not mean settling; on the contrary, it allows us to better cope with difficulties and take care of ourselves in a more realistic way.
References:
- Ehret, A. M., Joormann, J., & Berking, M. (2015). Examining risk and resilience factors for depression: The role of self-criticism and self-compassion. Cognition and Emotion, 29(8), 1496–1504.
- Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A., Abbott, M. J., Beath, A. P., & Einstein, D. A. (2019). Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: A meta-analysis. Mindfulness, 10, 1455–1473.
- Ferrari, M., et al. (2022). Self-compassion and mental health: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Clinical Psychology Review, 94, 102160.
- Inwood, E., & Ferrari, M. (2018). Mechanisms of change in the relationship between self-compassion, emotion regulation, and mental health: A systematic review. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 10(2), 215–235.
- Johnson, D. P., & Whisman, M. A. (2013). Gender differences in rumination: A meta-analysis. Personality and Individual Differences, 55(4), 367–374.
- Kirby, J. N., Tellegen, C. L., & Steindl, S. R. (2017). A meta-analysis of compassion-based interventions. Clinical Psychology Review, 58, 26–37.
- Marsh, I. C., Chan, S. W. Y., & MacBeth, A. (2018). Self-compassion and psychological distress: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 66, 1–12.
- Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
- Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2012). Emotion regulation and psychopathology: The role of gender. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 8, 161–187.
- Werner, K. H., et al. (2019). Self-compassion and social anxiety disorder. Anxiety, Stress & Coping, 25(5), 543–558.
- Wilson, A. C., et al. (2023). Self-compassion and mental health outcomes: A systematic review. Journal of Affective Disorders, 324, 442–453.
- Zessin, U., Dickhäuser, O., & Garbade, S. (2015). The relationship between self-compassion and well-being: A meta-analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 7(3), 340–364.