Wednesday 6/11/2024
PHOTO: Katarina Wolnik Vera
TEXT: María Sabaté and Lina Camacho
Self-care is not only essential for our personal well-being; it also has a significant impact on our romantic relationships. A new study explores how self-compassion—being kind and understanding with ourselves in times of difficulty—can improve relationship satisfaction. This analysis suggests that when people practice self-compassion, they enhance not only their personal well-being but also contribute to the health of their relationship.
What does it mean to have self-love in a relationship, and how does self-compassion play a role?
Self-love involves being gentle and kind to ourselves rather than harshly critical. It requires self-compassion, meaning, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and maintaining a balanced perspective on emotions. In a romantic relationship, people who practice self-compassion tend to approach relationship problems in a more balanced and constructive way, without falling into patterns of extreme self-criticism or guilt. This leads to better individual well-being, which in turn creates a stable foundation for the relationship.
The study found that self-compassion was related to greater relationship satisfaction overall, as well as in specific areas like intimacy, commitment, and trust. In other words, people who are kind to themselves also report greater satisfaction in key aspects of their relationship, such as feeling safe and connected with their partner.
Self-Compassion: The Importance of Self-Love in a Relationship
In addition to assessing general self-compassion, the study also measured relationship-specific self-compassion. This type of self-compassion involves being tolerant of our imperfections within the relationship and understanding that all couples face difficult moments. Results showed that this “relationship-specific self-compassion” was even more closely related to relationship satisfaction, especially in areas like trust and commitment. Those who showed understanding toward themselves in the context of the relationship reported lower mistrust and a stronger sense of connection with their partner. This may be because self-compassion fosters a feeling of connection with others and helps us see good intentions in people’s actions.
The Benefits of Self-Care in a Relationship
Interestingly, the effects of self-compassion not only benefited the individual practicing it but also had a direct impact on their partner. This suggests that self-compassion creates a more positive emotional environment in the relationship, allowing both partners to feel more secure and satisfied in their bond. Additionally, self-compassionate individuals tend to invest more in their relationships, feel more sexually satisfied, and view their relationship as lasting and with potential. When facing conflict, those who are self-compassionate are more likely to choose dialogue over personal attacks and tend to approach differences with greater patience and less hostility. This ability to resolve problems calmly and empathetically strengthens the relationship, as studies show that conflict resolution style is even more important to relationship satisfaction than the content of the conflict itself.
Studies also indicate that being self-compassionate doesn’t mean idealizing one’s partner or admiring them blindly. Self-compassion helps us accept our imperfections as well as those of our partner, which fosters a healthy, realistic acceptance rather than idealization.
Relational Self-Care and How to Work on It with Your Partner
Self-care and self-compassion are essential for a happy, healthy relationship. Practicing self-compassion not only helps us become more resilient in the face of challenges but also strengthens the romantic bond by reducing pressure on both ourselves and our partner. By building a relationship in which both partners support, understand, and are kind to themselves, a foundation of trust and connection is established that improves relationship satisfaction. How can you start developing it? Try speaking to yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when facing difficulties or making mistakes. This approach will not only enrich your personal life but also have a positive impact on your relationships.
References:
- Körner, R., Tandler, N., Petersen, L. E., & Schütz, A. (2024). Is caring for oneself relevant to happy relationship functioning? Exploring associations between self‐compassion and romantic relationship satisfaction in actors and partners. Personal Relationships.